So many of my clients and friends will say they want to feel happier but simply don’t know how to achieve it.

I’ve been coaching from the science of Positive Psychology for a number of years now and I get to witness the significant benefits that those interventions bring towards feeling happier and creating more wellness. All of these interventions are free and accessible to anyone, so I wanted to share the tools that I see having powerful positive impacts in the hope they may help you too.

Our brains are wired to notice what is wrong. This was an important evolutionary tool for the survival of our species, however, it doesn’t serve us such a useful purpose today. Having this natural bias towards noticing the bad things is not good for our overall feelings of happiness and wellbeing. To counter-balance this it helps to do intentional activities that create new wiring in our brains to also notice what is good. Over time you will start to ‘accidentally’ notice more good, which helps boost your mood and happiness.                      

With that background, these interventions help to build new wiring in your brain that notices the good and also builds positive emotions to fuel your brain for good. Here’s my top 6 free interventions to achieve that: 

1.       Gratitude
At the end of every day, pause to reflect on what’s gone well and what you have to be grateful for. Then write down your three things that you’re most grateful for in the day. On a really tough day, when you may feel that you’ve got nothing to be grateful for, you could consider things like being grateful for clean water. However, the more specific you can be, the better. You might consider the lovely conversation you had with a co-worker or that your children were ready for school without being asked or the shop assistant who complimented your new shirt. If you are not much of a writer then you may prefer to use a free online journal, called ‘Oh Life’ (www.ohlife.com). Every night you will receive an email from Oh Life asking you about your day, I simply write what I’m grateful for in the day and email it back. My replies are stored on my secure online diary which I can look back on at any time.

2.       Discover a greater meaning and purpose in life
What is it that gives you meaning in your life? Todd Kashdan, an expert on meaning and curiosity, says meaning is about gaining insight into what to do and what not to do when you’re faced with life decisions, big and small. Todd suggests creating a future that is in sync with your deepest values and interests, and intentionally using curiosity as the ultimate tool that will help you knit together the future you desire. Purpose is a special type of meaning – a philosophy of life – a compass that sets the direction for your life’s journey. People with a greater sense of purpose live longer, so it’s worth understanding your purpose. You don’t have to simply ‘find’ it, you can create it. Think about what gets you out of bed in the morning. What goal would you love to accomplish? Define it, write a goal and set about achieving it – it’s likely that you will feel better and live longer because of it.

3.       Friendships and belonging
We are social creatures, we thrive being around others and feeling like we belong. Nurturing friendships and investing in them is very worthwhile. Belonging to a group is very good for our happiness and wellbeing – you could join a sporting club, a church, book reading club or bird watching group. Whatever you enjoy, find a group of likeminded people and belong.

4.       Good food and exercise
I know you’ve heard this many times before but it can’t be left out if we are talking about overall wellbeing and happiness. It’s so important we fuel our brains with good nutrition to allow it to function properly. We’ve known for a long time the importance of exercise for our hearts but it also greatly benefits our brain. During exercise we release endorphins that are a good-feel fuel for our brains. Getting active has so many mental and physical benefits – I can’t stress enough the benefits of getting moving.

5.       Use your strengths
Know what your greatest strengths are, then intentionally use them more often. The research supports we have increased wellbeing when we play to our strengths. If you’re not clear what yours are, take this free survey to understand your character strengths and your preference for using them. If you use your top strengths in a new way you will increase your happiness and decrease depression for six months. It’s such an empowering way to approach your work and your life by playing to your top strengths.

6.       Be playful
No matter how old you are, you’re never too old to be playful. Having fun with friends or watching a funny movie will boost your mood, help you have greater health and happiness and even help you to live longer. It’s really important to get more playful, have more fun and laugh more often.

There you go, try these things and see how you feel. Some may resonate more with you more than others, that’s OK, we are all different. Use the ones that feel best and you will reap the benefits. I wish for you to live a happier life – and I hope my wish comes true.

Eleanor Roosevelt understood the strengths of women when she famously said, “A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water.” And this is my experience with women, often when their backs are against the wall, they find a strength that they probably didn’t know existed. Yet women can be their own worst enemy. They are their own harshest critic, the first to chastise themselves and seldom do they feel they did well enough. Often this self-criticism is unwarranted and unjustified, yet it is this very quality that also gives women that inner strength that Eleanor Roosevelt noticed.
Susan Nolen-Hoeksema was a professor of psychology at Yale University, and her research supports that women really do have four special strengths:
1.       Emotional Strengths
Women have strong emotional intelligence that enables them to understand their own feelings and those of others. They use this understanding to better cope with life. These emotional strengths makes them skilled at making major decisions because they can anticipate the emotional consequences of their life decisions.

2.       Relational Strengths
Women have a tremendous ability to connect with other people. During stressful times they turn to their strong social networks for support. They also use their relational strengths to inspire others to give their best and to work towards a common good.

3.       Mental Strengths
Women have a unique flexibility of mind that helps find creative solutions to problems. And they’re not at all precious about it being done their way; just as long as it gets done.

4.       Identity Strengths
Women have a strong sense of their values and identity. This helps them to deal with change and uncertainty because their sense of themselves isn’t dependent on what they do, what they have or who they are.

Further studies[i] have also identified that these four strengths assist women equally at home and in the workplace. They can communicate the values, purpose and importance of an organisation. They are optimistic and excited about their organisation's goals and inspire others to be just as enthusiastic. They focus on the development and mentoring of others and on their individual needs. They gain the respect and loyalty of others.

This isn’t about arguing over whether women are better than men. And it’s not about man bashing. It’s about putting forward some facts that show women have many strengths that are of significant worth, in the hope that more women will stop under-valuing themselves. I have seen so many women at their lowest point who still dig a little deeper to go on regardless of every instinct telling them to stay in bed. Women are so incredibly strong and morally courageous and I wanted to acknowledge and celebrate each and every one of you.

I am blessed to be surrounded by many women whom I admire, respect and model from. My mother, like so many women of her generation, has been an exemplar of these unique strengths.

I encourage all women to celebrate their genetic gifts and be empowered by them.  And for men to embrace and engage with these strengths. When men and women unite their strengths together, that's when real progress is made.

[i] . Psychologist Alice Eagly of Northwestern University compiled 45 studies comparing the leadership styles of men and women

Have you ever noticed how often people want to share what is wrong with others, rather than what is right? This can happen in our workplaces, in our classrooms or in our homes. I call this a deficit focus approach; being alert for what is wrong, rather than what is right with someone. 

A few years ago I discovered the work of Dr Martin Seligman and Dr Chris Peterson on Character Strengths. These two men revealed 24 strengths of character that belong to human beings, simply because we’re human beings. These strengths exist across race, gender and time. These are strengths such as gratitude, kindness, love of learning, forgiveness and curiosity. Each and every one is a strength in and of itself, and all of us have all 24 strengths that we can access, yet we have a natural preference for using certain strengths more readily than others.

The power in understanding strengths comes when we can recognise and accept a behaviour in others that may have been annoying or frustrating to us, and viewing it simply as a strength that someone has a strong natural preference to operate from. Let me give an example. I have a client who feels a bit hurt and misunderstood at their work, being accused as sometimes appearing rude and blunt. This is confusing for them because they are a kind and forgiving person. I asked them to complete a Character Strengths Survey* and the results show the 24 Character Strengths in the order that they have as a preference to use them. All humans have all 24 Character Strengths, however we have different preferences for the ones that we feel most congruent in using. In my client’s case, in their top strengths were ‘Honesty’ and ‘Bravery’. Bingo! From their point of you, they weren’t being rude and had no malicious intent at all, they were simply most comfortable being ‘Honest’ and they had no fear (‘Bravery’) around delivering their honesty. The outcome of this is that they can be perceived as rude and blunt. Once we know about Character Strengths, it empowers us to take our focus away from what’s wrong with them (e.g. they are rude and blunt) to what strengths they may simply be over-playing. My clients Honesty and Bravery are wonderful strengths; they were simply being over-played and not being tempered with other strengths, such as Social Intelligence. 

Here’s the point I want to make. If you understand Character Strengths, you can usually spot someone being in their top strengths. They speak with passion, energy and ease from this place. It becomes who they are and how they behave. When we understand these as strengths we open up far more constructive and positive conversations for change.  

Taking strengths to the next level comes in understanding your friends and your family’s strengths so that you can help your loved ones be in their top strengths more often. When we are functioning out of our top strengths, we feel energised and authentic. Life seems easier and more fulfilling.

My children have completed the Character Strengths survey, so I can intentionally help them be in their top strengths as often as possible. This makes for fulfilled children and helps to minimise resistance to work. For
example, my son’s top strength is ‘Humour and Playfulness’, so I know if I would like him to do the dishes, then if I can make it fun and game-like, he will love participating. My daughter’s top three strengths are Love, Kindness and Gratitude. If I want her to do the dishes then a big hug and oodles of thanks is
going to help her feel great about doing the dishes!

It is such a simple, yet positive and powerful tool to understand. Best of all it's free to find out your Character Strengths, and there’s loads of information on how to use them. 

I encourage you to know yours, know your loved ones and discover a positive context to understand others differences.

*Here's the link to the free Character Strengths Survey (choose option 3 for the free one), it takes about 15 minutes to complete. Why not find out yours today and start reaping the benefits?
https://www.viame.org/survey/Account/Register