As a life coach, I spend quite a bit of my time helping people
to set goals. When it comes to diet and exercise, I hear some common excuses for not reaching those goals. Here’s my top five, and some suggestions for overcoming them. 
1.  "I don't have the time"/"I'm too busy." This is the number one excuse for not exercising or eating well. Yet somehow we can find time to watch Master Chef or X-Factor. The reality is that we CAN and DO find time for the things that we want to find time for. It helps to make exercise and good eating a part of your everyday routine, rather than viewing it as something extra that you have to do. Thinking that “I need to diet” or “I have to get fit” has an association that it is a temporary thing that you do and then it’s finished. Practice shifting your thinking to making this a part of who you are and what you do; for life. This can be helped by incorporating exercise into your daily life, not as an add-on. Walk to the shops. Ride to work. Take the stairs.  Find healthy foods that you love, and enjoy them. 
 
2.  "I can’t afford it.” You don’t actually need a gym membership to exercise. It  doesn't cost a thing to move your body. You can get moving outdoors free of charge. Walk, ride or swim in your own neighbourhood without spending a cent. It may help your motivation to have a friend with you. And there’s plenty of free online fitness tool. Ask yourself, “Is telling yourself that you can’t afford it a reality or a handy excuse?” 
3.  "I'm too tired." Exercise actually gives you more energy! It also boosts your mood, combats health conditions and diseases and helps you to sleep better. The irony is that if you feel too tired to exercise, it’s probably because you’re not exercising. Try to keep your focus on the numerous benefits of exercise to help give you that motivation to get started. 
4.  "I feel overwhelmed with where to start." If it feels overwhelming, start REALLY small. Begin with a walk around the block. Slowly add a little longer to the walk each time, nothing much, only another  couple of minutes. Sometimes when we look too far ahead, to where we want to be, it seems overwhelming. It helps to bring it right back to one achievable, small goal, followed by another. Before you know it, you’ve reached your big goal. 
5.  "I feel so deprived when I diet!" Dr Martin Seligman tells us that 90% of people who diet put the weight back on within three years. Why? Often the focus becomes on what is being missed out on, rather than what is being gained. You deserve to be happy, healthy and comfortable in your body.  As with starting off exercising, start small. Don’t cut out everything that you love or you increase your chances of resenting it. Rather, look at it as a permanent change in lifestyle. You can permanently eat smaller portions, low fat
and exercise regularly.  
Further tips for success:        
- Write down all your reasons for wanting to get fit and/or lose weight. Keep it visible and review it daily.        
- Set realistic goals that you can achieve. Start with small goals, reach them, and then add to them.        
- Notice more than just the weight loss. Also notice how you feel, how your skin looks, the quality of your sleep etc.        
- Visualise yourself at your healthiest best. Picture with as much detail as possible – how you feel, how you look, how you act, how you move etc.        
- Everyone has slip-ups along the way. Use them as an opportunity to learn, forgive yourself, and simply get back on with it.        
- Celebrate your achievements along the way. Don’t wait until the big end goal, note milestones along the way and celebrate each one.



  


  

Today I went to a wedding. Like most weddings it was beautiful and heart-warming to witness two people publicly declaring their love for each other. On my way home from the wedding I was reflecting on many of my clients and friends who have shared a similar wedding day filled with hope, love and dreams, only to have developed issues with their spouse over the following years. So what happens? What changes? Why does it seem so difficult to remain connected?
I'm  not going to pretend that I know all the answers to those questions but I do know that the way we communicate with each other plays a large role in our chances of living 'happy ever after'.
There is a very effective communication tool developed by Shelly Gable et al (2004) called Active Constructive Responding (ACR). When we learn to respond to our partner (or friends, children, work colleagues) in an active and constructive way, the person you are talking to benefits and your relationship with that person strengthens. 
Most of us automatically communicate in a passive/constructive manner. This is neither beneficial, nor especially bad for the relationship. An example of passive/constructive communication would be when your partner is sharing some happy news with you and simply respond with, "that's nice sweetheart, I'm happy for you"......on the surface, not a bad response but on closer inspection, it's not especially engaging, nor encouraging the person to deeply share their positive experience.
More damaging to a relationship is using a passive/destructive response (e.g. what's for dinner? - simply not even acknowledging what has been shared) or an active/destructive response (e.g. they must have been hard up for people if they chose you!).
Real power and connection for relationships comes when we use active/constructive responding, which would look like, "Wow, that's amazing, please tell me exactly where you were when you heard that.....explain the feelings you felt when they told you.......I can easily see how your strengths support that, they must have seen that in you too....." etc. You help your partner to re-live, or savour, the positive emotions they felt and you flesh out, with genuine interest, the things that contributed to the positive event happening. 
Gable found that how people respond to good news significantly predicts the quality of the relationship.
My hope is that before relationships drift and assumptions begin being made, that people will honour rich listening and generous questioning, using Active Constructive Responding, to promote the sharing of positive emotions and experiences.
And may my friends who married today live happily ever after!