Sometimes we can underestimate the impact our words have on how we feel and behave. There are a few phrases that accidently have a negative or disempowering affect. Here’s the main ones that I hear, maybe you can relate to them:

I don’t have time
“I really want to get fit but I just don’t have time”; “I want to learn how to play guitar but I don’t have time”; “I want to start practicing meditation but I don’t have time”……you know the sort of thing. I invite you to reflect on your last week and consider what you did make time for. Did you watch a compelling reality TV show? Did you do some clothes shopping? Did you use Facebook for more than 15 minutes? We can usually find time for the things that we really want to do. The reality is that if we really wanted to get fit/play guitar/meditate, we would find the time. A good starting point is to change your story about not having time. It’s a story, and one that’s not serving you very well. It’s also very helpful to do away with the word “should”. Any sentence with “should” in it means it’s not going to happen. For example, “I should go running tomorrow morning”. Change it to “will” and notice how much more empowering that is. Also ask yourself, “if not now, when?” We’re unlikely to have any more time in the future, so what are you waiting for? Another tip is to break your goal down to tiny little achievable bits. For example if you want to get fit, start with a two minute run, that’s it – no more, no less. Celebrate that you achieved it; pat yourself on the back. The next day, run for three minutes, and so on until you’re running for 30 minutes (or whatever your goal is). Reduce the original goal down so small that you will achieve it, then build on it from there. And remember not to use lack of time as an excuse, end that story and it has less chance of effecting you.

I’ll be happy when…….
This is commonly spoken or thought…..”I’ll be happy when I buy that new house”; “I’ll be happy when I finish my degree”; “I’ll be happy when I retire”’ etc etc. The reality is that you can chose to be happy now. Chances are that when you get the thing that was going to make you happy, it actually doesn’t. Why? Because happiness is an inside job. Often people look for a quick fix to their feelings of discontentment and believe that material things will shift that. Material purchases and even a big win in the lottery will usually bring immediate, yet short term, satisfaction. Deeper and longer life satisfaction is borne from being grateful for what we do have, giving to others, helping others, showing compassion and care. Next time you hear yourself saying, “I’ll be happy when…..” perhaps pause and reflect on all the things that you have to be grateful for right now, and go and do a random act of kindness for someone….and see how you feel then.

I can’t help it
I hear this one often from my clients…..”I can’t help it, that’s just how I am”. I invite you to really consider if this is true. No doubt that many of us have life-long ways of thinking and behaving, so they become more automatic but we can usually change them if we chose to. If you lose your temper too easily, eat too much, dislike certain people (race/gender) or anything that you feel is simply how you are, I encourage you to reconsider this. We can all change up thinking or change a behaviour that is not serving us a good purpose. Yes, it will take some discipline and time but it is achievable. When an incident happens that automatically triggers a response that you feel you can’t help, gently pause and ask yourself what other way you could consider this.

I can’t forgive them
The most common resistance that I hear about forgiving, is that if I forgive them it means I’m saying what they did was OK and it wasn’t, so I refuse to forgive. Holding onto this anger and resentment only serves to continually make you feel worse and drained, and doesn’t actually change the bad thing that happened to you. I invite you to flip forgiveness on its head. You forgive simply because you want to move on and you recognise that holding onto it is not good for you. It does not mean, in any way, that you’re saying what they did was OK. You are simply acknowledging that what happened to you was hurtful and unfair but that for your own sake you chose to forgive (not to forgot or condone). It might help to place your hand on your heart, take a few deep breaths, and see yourself letting it go for your own good. You will be the beneficiary of this action, not the perpetrator.

I hope that these suggestions may help you shift some unhelpful language that you might be using, so that you may live a happier life.

So many of my clients and friends will say they want to feel happier but simply don’t know how to achieve it.

I’ve been coaching from the science of Positive Psychology for a number of years now and I get to witness the significant benefits that those interventions bring towards feeling happier and creating more wellness. All of these interventions are free and accessible to anyone, so I wanted to share the tools that I see having powerful positive impacts in the hope they may help you too.

Our brains are wired to notice what is wrong. This was an important evolutionary tool for the survival of our species, however, it doesn’t serve us such a useful purpose today. Having this natural bias towards noticing the bad things is not good for our overall feelings of happiness and wellbeing. To counter-balance this it helps to do intentional activities that create new wiring in our brains to also notice what is good. Over time you will start to ‘accidentally’ notice more good, which helps boost your mood and happiness.                      

With that background, these interventions help to build new wiring in your brain that notices the good and also builds positive emotions to fuel your brain for good. Here’s my top 6 free interventions to achieve that: 

1.       Gratitude
At the end of every day, pause to reflect on what’s gone well and what you have to be grateful for. Then write down your three things that you’re most grateful for in the day. On a really tough day, when you may feel that you’ve got nothing to be grateful for, you could consider things like being grateful for clean water. However, the more specific you can be, the better. You might consider the lovely conversation you had with a co-worker or that your children were ready for school without being asked or the shop assistant who complimented your new shirt. If you are not much of a writer then you may prefer to use a free online journal, called ‘Oh Life’ (www.ohlife.com). Every night you will receive an email from Oh Life asking you about your day, I simply write what I’m grateful for in the day and email it back. My replies are stored on my secure online diary which I can look back on at any time.

2.       Discover a greater meaning and purpose in life
What is it that gives you meaning in your life? Todd Kashdan, an expert on meaning and curiosity, says meaning is about gaining insight into what to do and what not to do when you’re faced with life decisions, big and small. Todd suggests creating a future that is in sync with your deepest values and interests, and intentionally using curiosity as the ultimate tool that will help you knit together the future you desire. Purpose is a special type of meaning – a philosophy of life – a compass that sets the direction for your life’s journey. People with a greater sense of purpose live longer, so it’s worth understanding your purpose. You don’t have to simply ‘find’ it, you can create it. Think about what gets you out of bed in the morning. What goal would you love to accomplish? Define it, write a goal and set about achieving it – it’s likely that you will feel better and live longer because of it.

3.       Friendships and belonging
We are social creatures, we thrive being around others and feeling like we belong. Nurturing friendships and investing in them is very worthwhile. Belonging to a group is very good for our happiness and wellbeing – you could join a sporting club, a church, book reading club or bird watching group. Whatever you enjoy, find a group of likeminded people and belong.

4.       Good food and exercise
I know you’ve heard this many times before but it can’t be left out if we are talking about overall wellbeing and happiness. It’s so important we fuel our brains with good nutrition to allow it to function properly. We’ve known for a long time the importance of exercise for our hearts but it also greatly benefits our brain. During exercise we release endorphins that are a good-feel fuel for our brains. Getting active has so many mental and physical benefits – I can’t stress enough the benefits of getting moving.

5.       Use your strengths
Know what your greatest strengths are, then intentionally use them more often. The research supports we have increased wellbeing when we play to our strengths. If you’re not clear what yours are, take this free survey to understand your character strengths and your preference for using them. If you use your top strengths in a new way you will increase your happiness and decrease depression for six months. It’s such an empowering way to approach your work and your life by playing to your top strengths.

6.       Be playful
No matter how old you are, you’re never too old to be playful. Having fun with friends or watching a funny movie will boost your mood, help you have greater health and happiness and even help you to live longer. It’s really important to get more playful, have more fun and laugh more often.

There you go, try these things and see how you feel. Some may resonate more with you more than others, that’s OK, we are all different. Use the ones that feel best and you will reap the benefits. I wish for you to live a happier life – and I hope my wish comes true.

I love the fact that all the tools that I share with clients are scientifically proven to be highly effective, yet every one of them is free and accessible to anybody. Sure, it often helps to sit with a Life Coach to assist in drawing out your deepest desires and understanding any hidden fears, or to help you understand how to write a goal, and to have someone on your side. However, with the emergence of the field of Positive Psychology, we all have access to everyday tools for a happier life. If you truly want to step into a more fulfilling life, imbued with happiness and greater wellbeing, here are 10 free and simple tips to follow:

1. Practice Gratitude. Your mind is designed with a negative bias (this was for survival - based on the fight and flight response). By intentionally appreciating what’s good in life and noticing what’s going well you help to overcome the negativity bias and you will 'accidently' start noticing more good. Read here about how to practice daily Gratitude.
   
2. Know your Strengths and use them. Identifying and playing to your strengths feels easy, natural and congruent with who you are. It is far more effective than focusing on your weaknesses. It's also a great way to build wellbeing and reduce symptoms of depression. Click here for a free survey to understand your top strengths and how to use them.
   
3. Savour Positive Experiences. This is about deepening the enjoyment of the good things in life so that you heighten the positive experience. You can do this by: (a) Sharing your positive experiences with others and tell them how much you value the moment. (b) Reminisce about a positive experience using photographs or a souvenir. (c) If you've achieved a milestone, pat yourself on the back and feel proud of your achievement. (d) Stay in the present moment to fully appreciate a pleasant experience, such as eating nice food or taking a bath. Keep your senses alert and heightened to all the pleasurable sensations that are going on - try not to think, just sense. (e) Sharpen your perception by shutting out other senses - such as listening to music with your eyes shut.
4.  Find Meaning & Purpose in your Life. Cultivating the deeper form of happiness that gives you a sense of fulfilment by doing Random Acts of Kindness for others; reflect on the greater meaning in your life or your work; find meaning in the little incidental things in life (like noticing how a broken tree limb on the ground has become home to bugs and is breaking down to renew the earth below it); and practice forgiving people.
5. Nurture Relationships. Our connections to others are a primary source of happiness so it pays to nurture our relationships. Use Active Constructive Responding to help build deep and meaningful bonds with your loved ones.      
   
6. Learn how to be Optimistic. Optimistic thinking can protect you from the pessimistic thinking that drags your mood down. Rather than seeing a bad or negative situation as "this is how my life is", chose to view the incident as simply one unfortunate occurence that you can learn from, but know that it bares no relationship to what might occur in the future.
   
7. Build your Resilience. The good news is that resilience is like a muscle, the more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes. Learn to challenge your automatic negative thinking and replace it with more realistic and helpful thoughts. Don't try to hide from negative feelings, rather learn to acknowledge their presence, sit alongside and observe them, and then consider the ways for you to move forward (ie you might feel grateful for the lesson you learnt, or recognise that this problem might not be about you).
   
8. Write your goals. Working towards a goal gives you a sense of progress and achievement. You may have short term goals and/or long term goals. What matters most is that you write your goal down as a SMART goal and celebrate little milestones along the way.
   
9. Exercise daily. You might be bored with reading about the importance of exercise but it's everywhere for a good reason - it works! Exercise releases endorphines and endorphines make you feel happy! Exercise also reduces the symptoms of stress, depression and anxiety. All of this on top of the stuff we already know about it being good for our heart. 30 minutes, every day - a brisk walk is enough.
10. Get plenty of sleep. Yes, besides needing sleep for better health, it's known to help lift your mood and gives you greater emotional stability. If you are having trouble sleeping, try doing Mindful Meditation before bed - it calms a busy mind and primes you for a deep sleep.

Have fun practicing with these tools and please let us know how they work for you.